Seeds of Belonging: Our First Year
I walked into the gym facing a circle of chairs ready to facilitate the first family meeting of what came to be known as Pickles. I remember introductions were initially quiet as the parents and children began to introduce themselves and participate in the ice breaker with some hesitation. What I remember more was that during the closing check out, the room was filled with laughter, tears, conversation, and an energy that suggested a genuine sense of belonging and relatability. The kids and parents became instant friends, teammates, and supporters of one another; they didn’t want to leave.
Over and over again, I watched as they shared the message “I get it” - spoken in words, written in artwork, and expressed in gestures. This message turned to “you are not alone” and continued to be shared at each meeting. They spoke a language that can only be expressed so clearly by someone who has lived and experienced the highs and lows of a parent’s cancer journey.
Over the past year and a half, I have had the privilege of being witness to the connection between children and siblings of varying ages over a commonality: their parent’s cancer. At the first meeting, we established expectations for the group and played get-to-know you games.
At the second, third, and fourth meetings, I facilitated a combination of games and therapeutic activities. These activities included a body drawing where the children identified aspects of their parent’s cancer experience. I was able to validate their experiences while clarifying misconceptions and explaining illness related terms in child-friendly language. They had a chance to explore what is within their control and what is out of their control using collectively drawn “worry backpacks.” From there we addressed coping skills identifying things that help.
After the start of the pandemic and taking just one month off, Pickles resumed in a virtual format. We began to address not only their parent’s cancer but their parent’s cancer in the context of a global pandemic. I established a set format for each meeting: icebreaker, therapeutic activity, game, and closing. The themes included boundaries, feelings, letting go, coping skills, wishes, reflection, and of course- having fun. Each session started with a check in, and each session ended with a chant “1…2…3... PICKLES!”
Not every Pickles Group journey will look exactly like this. But each one will be filled with the same spirit of community, courage and joy.
Pickles has become a club that no one wants to be a part of, but that members are so grateful to have. They have shared worries and wishes that are acknowledged in the presence of fun and have quickly discovered that they are not alone.
I look forward to contributing to the transformation of this impromptu program into what is now known as Pickles Group: a scalable program that can help children impacted by a parent or guardian’s cancer in a fun, safe, supportive, and sustainable way.
- Kelsey Mora, Chief Clinical Program Officer, Pickles Group
